life as a moody blogger

I’m not sure that I have my wits about me right now…I’m pretty tired and living in the wake of a pretty extraordinary event.  But I thought that I would write a brief posting just so that people could know what I considered to be the highlight of the evening.

Some people were really impressed with the Brahams…it was lovely.  Other people were struck by the organ solo.  Ian Sadler is one of the greatest organists in these parts…what an amazing guy to work with.  Many others were handing out tons of compliments in respect to my own composition - A Suite of Psalms.  These things were all great.  But to be honest, I’m not sure that any of these things were the highlight.

O, to be sure, hearing my own composition performed by such excellent musicians was an extreme high…a thrill…one of the greatest experiences of my life up until this point.  The orchestra was wonderful and the soloists did a fine job.  I hope that this is an experience that I have the privilege of having again (and as soon as possible!!).

But the great thrill for me is that this piece could be premiered in a room which contained SO many of the people I love.  There were people in that room tonight from many different parts of my life.  That, I love.  And, after all, what good is music if the right people aren’t present to enjoy it.  SO - thanks friends, acquaintances and family.  It was a great night to be together

So this is a pretty big week for me…in fact it may be one of the biggest weeks of my life up until this point!  It’s hard to believe that so many people are conspiring together to show case my own composition..it’s almost…weird…

Still - it’s happening - and I am so excited…and nervous.  In fact right now I am blogging because I’m having a difficult time sleeping!  Let’s see…what do I have left to do this week…well rehearsal with the orchestra tomorrow night!  Then Thursday pick up my tux…Friday is a day to fix anything that needed to be fixed as a result of our Wednesday night rehearsal…and then dress rehearsal with both choirs and full orchestra is at 3:00 on Saturday…wow I’m getting knots in my stomach just thinking about it!!

I suppose everything will be fine…hopefully more than fine :-)  However, it is still hard to just forget about the nervousness.

Hope that I’ll see everyone there at teh concert…it’s May 31st (this Saturday), 7:00 p.m. at St. Paul’s on Bloor St. between Church and Jarvis…tickets are available at the door…$15.  Good night!

From Dion Oxford at the Gateway

hi all,
well, i’m sheepishly writing what may come accross as the most pretentious note of my blogging career.
i’ve been selected as one of three finalists for the canadian living magazine’s “Me to We” awards in the social action category.

and to make matters worse, i’m posting this note in order to ask you to vote for me.

now don’t get me wrong, this truly is an honour for me and i’m deeply grateful and humbled to be considered for this.

but, it seems far less than humble to beg my friends to vote for me in this.

so, in order to justify why i think it’s relatively safe for me to ask people to vote for me, you need to know that the winner will receive $5000 to go towards the charity of their choice. and due to the fact that the shelter that i work at, Gateway, could really use that money (www.thegateway.ca), i am writing to ask people to take a moment and cast a vote for me online. and i guess i’ll take it one step further by asking you to forward this info to folks on your e-lists that you think might be supportive of this.

it’s easy. just go to www.metoweawards.com and click on the button with my face on it and i think that’s all there is to it. the person with the most votes by June 1st wins.

thanks for considering this

peace
dion

PS - Dion is my cousin…

Of all the many awesome things I could have been doing this weekend, I cannot think of anything that tops the wicked awesome time I had living, eating and working with some of my most wonderful friends.

This weekend we had the privilege of leading the Free Methodist Church Conference in worship at the Toronto Airport Marriott.  It went from Friday evening until Monday afternoon and was full of challenge, hard work, unexpected turns…the whole gamete.  I was joined by Katy Darley, Shawn Batten, Jonathan Beckwith, Dave Kentie, Craig Bertrim, Faith Amour and Jason Penney in what was really a great lineup - flexible, talented and plain fun to work with.

If I could spend my whole life playing for retreats and conferences with people who I consider to be among my best friends, I would!

My favorite moments are the moments which just hit me (or us!) out of nowhere…the kind of things that are not planned or expected, but just happen.  It’s when tv’s start to fall and someone has to catch them…or it’s when you and your friends are eating and you go to leave and someone you don’t even know has picked up the bill…or it’s when you sheepishly notice your face up on the big screen with sweat pouring off it…or it’s when you see someone you haven’t seen for a while and rekindle a friendship…or maybe meet someone you’ve never met before.  It’s sharing moments where you connect with someone or something on the level of the unexpected.  I love that!

Well…that’s all for tonight.  Just wanted to let the blogging world know that I feel very happy to have been part of such an awesome experience.

Good night!

i’d like to say that i’m sorry i haven’t been blogging…but i’m not.  goodness knows probably no one will actually read this since it’s been so long since i have posted anything.

that’s ok.

i have been listening to this song by mutemath - who, by the way i’m totally digging these days.

Everyone has their obsession
consuming thoughts
consuming time
they hold high their prized possession
it defines the meaning of their life

You are mine

They’re our objects of affection
that can mesmerize the soul
there is always one addiction
that just can not be controlled

You are mine

i’d like this song to be about God.  but like most of the people reading this blog…it probably isn’t.  not yet, anyways.  my obsessions tend to fluctuate…so sometimes ‘it is mine’ might be more appropriate…

well…all in good time i suppose…all in good time.

It is 2:37 a.m. on Tuesday morning.  I am still awake.  Maybe it was the extra espresso I had in my latte tonight.  Maybe it’s not.  I am an honourary roommate of a girls dorm at Tyndale…so the girls and I went out tonight and had our Christmas gift exchange.  We had fun.

We talked about New Year’s resolutions…which I don’t usually make.  I made a few up on the spot.  But I was interested in the resolution made by one of the roommates, well, it wasn’t a resolution…she called it an aspiration - - to be happy this year.  I think that this is a good idea - to try to be happy.

This resonates with me because I am a people pleaser.  I do things for people to make them happy, regardless of how it makes me feel.  This relates to one of my earlier posts about being emotionally attached to people at times.  I will often to things for people that are inconveniencing and plan silly.  But if it makes them happy…

I would like to abandon my silly on-the-spot resolutions of this eventide and adopt this aspiration with my friend Dani.  And here are a few things I will do to make this happen: evaluate the things I am doing from day to day and decide whether or not they make me happy…my jobs, my extra-curricular activities, my leisure activities, my relationships…I think I will ask the question: are these things really making me want to wake up in the morning rearing and ready to enjoy life?  I think this is a fair question…so I’m going to think about it this week.

One quick note - I don’t think that the happy answer is always the right one.  And it is also worth mentioning that I think Jesus likes happiness.

As a side note…it is pouring outside right now and I think I just heard some thunder!

As well, I had a very nice Christmas with my family in Acton and a very enjoyable time in Ottawa with Ian, Lauren and Christopher.  All in all, a very happy Christmas break.  Good day.

Well, have to admit I’m a little surprised that all of my talkative readers chose to remain silent on that last one…is it an uncomfortable topic? Or do people just not much to say? I’m gonna keep posting on it…

But for this evening I just wanted to say that a friend of mine, David Kentie, has put out an EP (basically a short cd…5 songs). Why don’t you take a little visit and see what you think…it’s pretty emo, but I’m betting some of you probably would dig it. I especially recommend, just from a few listens, #2 and #5…I’m currently listening to saturnalia even now as I’m typing…

Let me know what you think (and let him know what you think also!)…

http://www.myspace.com/davidkentie

Happy advent…

So everyone knows I’m single. It’s actually quite the topic of conversation in most of my areas of influence…especially at Immanuel where I teach and at Wesley Chapel where I work as the music director. Boy if I had a toonie for every time someone tried to set me up with their daughter or granddaughter…

But while I’m single, I would say that it is also true that I’m attached. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m finding that I have friendships which are so close that they have been providing me with physical closeness, emotional stability and a general sense of knowing that while my culture (church culture) views singleness as being a deficiency of sorts, I am not really all that alone…

Let me give you an example. My friends Jeff and Lori - who are married and just had their first child - are very close friends to me. They know the inner workings of my life like few people do…and I know who they are as real people. This is a very healthy attachment.

But what happens when single people get too attached to people they are not dating? What happens when we become too close for comfort…so to speak? Well, any number of things can happen I suppose. People can take just about anything too far. But the thing that I’m most interested in is emotional attachment. This is simply because I find that this is the area of my life which is profoundly susceptible to over-attachment. I’m not sure if it is because I am an artist but I am an emotional being. It could be somewhat genetic…my mom is very emotional too…as are my sisters. My dad - - a little less but still a softy.

So what is over-attachment? Is it different for someone who is married? Is there such thing as healthy extreme-attachment (I’m thinking here about people who stay single their whole life and have constant friends with whom they are extremely close)?

I want this to be a multi-post project, so let me just say that I think that an unhealthy attachment is anything which is not mutual and mostly equal. So, for example, if someone has a friend with whom they are close and one begins to invest more in the friendship than the other, it will, eventually become unhealthy. That has nothing to say about the quality of the friendship…both could have been seeking a very legitimate and mutually honouring friendship, but it has become unbalanced.

I would like to start having discussion about what emotionally healthy friendships look like. I admit that I over-invest in friendships at times - - maybe because I value them so much - - and as a result end up being hurt by people I love (and who I expect probably love me). I need to learn how to express my deep commitment to friendship without always putting myself out there to get hurt. Any ideas?

I’m gonna let Steven Curtis talk tonight. He is a great song writer in my opinion…and a great guitar player. These words have been repeating themselves over and over in my head for almost a week now…

I’m finding life to be very artsy these days…lots of ups…lots of downs. The ups are bigger ups than usual and the downs are bigger downs than usual. And the busyness of life is probably only contributing to my pendulum-like experience. Jay Penney has given me some good advice this week on how I can use my time in a more healthy way…now to try and do something good with it. Have a read - maybe you can relate.

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know…
And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancers
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move - afraid to fall
Oh but fall I must on this truth that my life has been formed from the dust..

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture he’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all for only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only buring question that remains is
Who am I…
Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand an count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been, beyond all that will pass

Oh how great are the riches of his wisdom and knowledge - how unsearchable
For to him and through him and from him are all things…
So let us worship before the thone of the one who is worthy of worship alone

You could also watch this video if you like…it even comes with naturey pictures and words at the bottom so you can sing along…

So the more I think about it, the more I suspect that there are three fundamental parts to developing a life of integrity.  The first is espousing a belief about something…anything really.  I believe that snow days are fun (today just happens to be one for me here in t-dot).  If we don’t believe in anything then I think the quest for integrity is a silly notion.  Though…I think that it would be nearly impossible for someone to believe in nothing…I guess even that would be a belief of sorts.

The second part is acting out on this belief in a way that aligns oneself with it.  This morning I sent a Facebook message to several of my friends and requested an impromptu breakfast party.  Now that may, or may not, actually happen (depending on whether or not any of these people care to get out of bed and whether or not they have class).  But I am most certainly interested in using my new found morning to engage in fun activities - - like blogging.

The third part is really being upfront with people about what our belief is so that they can see that our actions and beliefs are consistent.  I think it is an accountability of sorts.  But this is the category where we usually find ourselves in trouble - I think so anyways.  Let me explain why:

I think that people, in general, espouse the beliefs of their families and friends.  One’s social setting is the framework for their system of belief.  And depending on the situation, it can be easy to hold an opposing view…or quite difficult.  So what ends up happening in tight knit communities, where individual thinking is not overly encouraged, is that people end up asserting things they really don’t believe - OR they end up acting in ways which wouldn’t match their assertions.  Either way, one of the first two principals is violated and our integrity in turn.

But this is most complicated and disturbing because it comes down to people being scared of letting people see their true beliefs and actions.  It is a deficiency in community, really.  People don’t want to feel judged, slighted or marginalized for ’straying from the right path’ and so they simply sacrifice something to keep up appearances.  The pressures of ‘fitting in’ or ‘doing the right thing’ are too much for people sometimes and they end up feeling guilt even to the point of throwing in the towel.

Why do we, as Christians, feel that it is so important for people to live out our standards with such perfection?  Why do we preach a message of acceptance and forgiveness to the unbeliever and then drop the ax on someone who is already in the church?  It has done a great disservice to the Body of Christ - making us scared to think and act; to change and adapt…and has turned us into moralistic, sadistic, conformers…people who atone for our own sin by berating others.

I hope and pray that we can become people who are willing to work at developing and knowing what we believe to the point that we are willing to assert and live what we believe unashamedly.  Then I think we will be the kind of people that can show empathy and mercy; love and forgiveness to others.